This Is Now Becoming Substance Abuse

I've been thinking a lot lately about how I feel and why and you know what? I still have no answers!
But I'm starting to feel really old, at the ripe age of 20.
I feel almost as though I'm still sitting around waiting for life to start, and the train has passed years ago but I just didn't notice, so I'm waiting patiently for the next one with no way of knowing when or if that train is coming round again. I've always felt like an old soul from as long as I can remember and from as long as I can remember I've never really fit in anywhere I've never really fit in with friends or at school or anywhere...There is no real place I feel like I belong. I think that is what really bugs me the most because I would tell myself I don't belong here, yes, but one day I'll find that place, one day soon. And now after so many years I still haven't found something and that makes me think I never will. I don't really know what I'm trying to say here I just feel really lost/hopeless and its wearing me down.
I'm tired of searching.