One Day I Hope Someone Will Look Into My Eyes And Say Your My Very Special One

I don't even really know why I'm posting because right now I'm kind of blank.
An empty slate.
Maybe because I haven't posted anything in a month that its just time to do so? I don't know. I know there are things I want to talk about, things I need to just vent about but I don't know how to put those feelings into words.
Here's my best shot.
How could I not have known? For years I was totally ignorant to what he was really thinking. There I was thinking we have got it pretty good, that we both wanted to be here.
He doesn't want to be here.
How do you miss something like that? If it was never said out loud I would have lived the rest of my life thinking this is what we both wanted not just what I want.
Where do I go from here?
I just don't know what to do, I don't know what to think and I don't know what's real anymore. If he can pretend to want to be in a relationship I'm sure he can probabally fake a lot of things and I wouldn't know.
Maybe all of it?
So now I'm in quite a position. I've got someone whom I love very dearly and who also claims to love me but just doesn't want to be in a relationship. What am I supposed to make of that after years of being together? Half of me wants to just let go because why would you carry on when you know the other person doesn't want to be here, that would just be living a lie. The other half of me is saying that if I let him go he's not going to come back and well, I love him so that doesn't work too well with me but, I'm afraid if I hold on that years later he will resent me because he feels as though I've taken away from his youth.
He doesn't want this.