Glitters

Saturday, January 14, 2006

I Don't Even Know..This Is Just A Random Rant About Everything

I've been far to unproductive lately and that makes me very angry with myself. There is so much to do I can see so many little things around me yet I remain stationary. Why I do so is beyond me, I'm too tired, I'm too stressed, I'm too lazy, or maybe I've just finally given up.
Today I will get things done.
Her antics, her fucking antics, I can't deal with them anymore. There are so many terminally ill people out there who would give anything to see another day and yet there she is with her holier-than-thou attitude saying she wishes she were dead how she no longer wants to live. Give me a fucking break, you have it so unbelievably good compared to the majority of the people in this world. There are children out there with no family, no food, no shelter and you think we should pity you? Feel sorry for you? On what basis? That you have to clean your house, that you hate your child? Those are choices you made so you can not cast the blame on anyone else. So stop fucking complaining.
Today I will be grateful for a new day.
And these hostile feelings I carry with me through my days and I reflect these negative feelings towards everyone that surrounds me. I know I shouldn't but its hard to let go. I'm just so fucking angry and lost.
Today I will smile.

Today I died a little more inside.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

This Void Never Really Went Away

Its just that im too fucking needy.
That I'm so fucking lonely.
That theres always that empty place inside me and as hard as i try to conceal it, i just can't.
Numb.

"Nancy"
"You were my little baby girl/And I knew all your fears/Such joy to hold you in my arms/And kiss away your tears/But now you're gone/There's only pain/And nothing I can do/And I don't want to live this life/If I can't live for you."
-Sid

Substance abuse and a tragic love story. Or was it the substance that they loved and one another that they abused.
A suicide pact?