My Underwear Is Cute For You Not For Me

I love those moments in life where you realize that nothing will be the same ever again...
Where you just know that you'll wake up tomorrow and the sky will look different. You'll feel different in your own skin... Feelings have changed and things have new meaning... And I have reminders of each period, songs that make me feel like someone I used to be.... Places that remind me of somewhere I used to call home.... Pictures of people and places that I once loved and now consider fond memories.... I'm having one of those moments now, I just know that tomorrow will be different than today or any other day I had. And one day I'll stumble across some little thing that reminds me of now, and who I am at this very moment. ..And hopefully, this change will make colors brighter, days warmer, and love just a little more magical.
Things are good. I think that might just be. The thing I love about life is each day, each moment, you have the chance to do something life changing and wonderful.... The freedom to make things better. Even if it just means holder your head up a little higher and smiling a little brighter. Being nicer to the person sitting next to you and sharing your bit of knowledge with the world...

Sometimes I Want To Get Better But I Know I'm Not Really Ready Yet

I wonder how many relationships start out of simple desperation.And how many of those people go on to get married and spend a life together? Is that how my parent's started out? They never seemed to really like each other much."Fashionably sensative but too cool to care."That detached emotion, that coldness.It's always that question isn't it? Between apathy and caring.I used to be willing to die for a cause...I suppose I still am. The cause has changed though...But all those abstract principles and ideas are cold comfort some days....I want something more tangible. Something I can touch...Hmm the manifestation of ideals. The physical incarnation of ideals.Perhaps that's all family is...Perhaps that's all just plain love is...It's the physical manifestation of high ideals.In a sense it's sacrifice... But too many people say it's sacrifice. It's not sacrifice if you really want to do it.
No, you do it for a reward.In a sense, you don't even do it for a reward.You just do it cause you gotta...It makes no sense to devote yourself to others. I guess you do it out of obligation? This thing called love?But it's not even an obligation...
It's more like fate... You don't choose to love your family. You just do... It's a feeling you have, not a feeling you control...And it will always be there...
I used to think the phrase "I will always love you" was meant "I will always choose to love you and be faithful to you."But it's not so much a choice... Well in some cases I suppose it's chosen..But in other cases, it feels like fate.
I don't mean that "I will always love you" out of choice...It means that "I will always love you" just because I have to... Just because I feel it. ..And I can't control that...
"I will always love you" not necessarily because I want to, but because it's in my very nature. It's a part of me.. It's not even a choice. People are fated to love us forever. ..Both familial and romantic. It's fated.
In a way, that's an even bigger comfort than the idea that people choose to love us..We have it. ..It is literally impossible to lose.. And there need be no guilt about that love.. People don't feel an obligation to love. They just plain feel that love... Don't feel bad about it. Neither you nor they have any control over it. It's fated.Freedom and determinism. It seems to all come down to that doesn't it?
I choose. ..I am... I have free will.
But I also am strongly influenced by other factors..
Perhaps all this uncertainty is a good thing. It makes life so exciting. It's a mysterious, wonderous world...

I Lie When I Say I'm Not Hungry/ That I've Already Ate

So I haven't posted in quite sometime..I've been running on empty for the past little while..Or so it seems..Days have rushed by..I've been annoyed with people I've been amazed by some..I've been turned off from some ..Its just been all over the place...I need some clarity..I need to get back on track..Back to life and back to working hard..Lets hope it happens soon..And now I've got to go..Get some stuff done..This is the first step..Towards...The unknown.