Shes Made Me Hate Myself So Much It Scares Me

Today I close my ears to what the world says.
Fuck them.
What they think of me, and what they say about me. Why should I let it get to me? At the end of the day does it really matter what they thought?
No.
When this material world is gone, all objects, words and people disappear with it. When its just me standing infront of God..It wont matter what people said or thought about me but what I've done that will truly decided my fate.
So fuck them.
I've decided, yet again, that what anyone thinks of me does not matter.
But this time is different than all the other times I've said that.
Its different because I've allowed the negative things I hear to effect me far too much. And I wont have any of that anymore.
My mother can say that I'm a failure, that I'm not good enough, that other peoples children are so much better than I am. She can say it over and over again just like she has been all these years and I will simply tune it all out.
I've hurt myself too much, lost too much, those statements I've heard her repeat day in and day out have taught me to fiercely hate who I am.
I can no longer carry on like this.
Tomorrow is a new day and new start.
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.
This is the end of that beginning and the beginning of a new end.
I'll love myself, I know its going to be one of the hardest things I've done yet because of years of built up hate..But as time progresses I know I can.
No longer will I allow my self worth to rest in someone else's hands.
The Cards are in my hands.