I Know Theres Something Not Right About Me But I Like It

wow..who knew!! maybe i should seek help...bah!

Disorder Rating
Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Very High
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: High
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mvURL for more info: disorder_information2.html

Sometimes I Want To Feel Used

well the past 3 times I've tried to write this exact post..Well not exact but I tried..It got deleted randomly..And I cant copy it for some strange reason..So here we go agian.im really losing momentum now.
these past few days have been rather uneventful..Aside from some new clothes not too much had taken place...The "issue" still remains unsolved...For how much longer? I'm not quite sure. Am I exceedingly concerned? Hardly.
have you ever told someone something and upon hearing there reaction wished you had kept it to yourself? Have you ever just put yourself out there, your rawest emotions..The core of your being..Only to have it treated as though it were some disease? How did that make you feel? How are you supposed to feel...Would it make you think your emotions are not valid or not considered healthy? Would you ever trust your emotions with another person after that? Or would all those things just be suppressed and end up in a hidden crevice in your mind and become silenced and still? And if you did that..Would they one day come out in a rage and hurt you even more so than you would have been had you just said something to being with? Who knows..Maybe I'm not meant to know...

I Know I Should Care More About Them, But I Don't

have you ever noticed how people get more recognition when they die...Or are about to die..What is it about human nature that causes us to think this way? People seem to be more valued/understood/upheld/cherished when they die...Rather than when there alive..You don't take advantage of them while there around its when there gone that you say damn and begin to think ...Its odd..But I think its true..The old saying..You don't know what you have till its gone..And when its gone..You can never get it back..

I Think Everyone Is An Attention Whore

How nice it really would be..To either let go completely..Or to have things mended and over..I don't like this middle state..Its not only frustrating..But its un-necessary
I don't want you to play the victim anymore.
I don't want to play anymore.
I say this is over.
How nice it would be to be over.

I Wish I Never Had To Get Out Of The Shower

so I went to write I test..That I wasn't really prepared for..But I figured who the hell cares and went ahead and wrote it without studying..And its not like im extremely busy and I had no time to study on the contrary I had the entire day to study but chose not too...
choice...It can be the greatest of things but it can also be the worst.
my random thought for the moment is why people hold such little worth for others.and what makes one person preferable to someone over another person? And why some people are just generally jerks.
well I began this post..But the had to leave..And now came back to finish it..But the words are gone..im not in the same mind frame..So I cant elaborate on my thoughts from before..So I guess ill leave it unfinished..And allow you to form the words you feel fit..And let the words..And thoughts just flow..

I Can Hurt People And Not Feel Guilty About It

So lately..There's been lots of words flying around..And after a weekend filled with stories..Of people I either know directly..Or people I've never heard of.. They all had the same theme..
that you can never really truly know another person..
its amazing how many people have secret lives..And how many people hold such little regard towards their spouse or their children..And even worse themselves..It comes back down to human nature..This looking out soley for ones self..And lust..And how it controls so many people..And how nothing is the way it used to be..How people are never what they seem..Its odd..And slightly scary considering this is the same world we are going to raise our children in..These are the things we will try our best to shelter them from..But inevitably they will come across..Or worse..The things they will become..
time will tell I suppose...

I Want To Be A Child

today I wanted to eat frosted flakes..So lucky me I had some at home and remember when you were little and the only reason you would buy a certain kind of cereal was because of the prize inside the box? You would want the cereal with the coolest prize right? So in my frosted flakes today...There was a watch inside..Ha yay for me..Ah the joys of cereal..
besides that..I got a cute new rainbow necklace and a bob marley poster which my friend brought back for me from her visit to phoenix..I want to go on a trip now too..Home seems so dull..Somewhere nice and hot..With no sudden weather changes..That would be nice..Ah well..Maybe I will end up doing that..But probably not till summer.. And that's about all I got for now..

I Act Like Your Absence Doesn't Bother Me

My new motto..Well not really new..Just re-enforced...Is to let it slide...I'm just gonna go with the flow from now on.. Its less stress ..Less mess.. And just plain easier.. I mean I know the easy path isn't always the best one..But I'm gonna do it anyways..I'm officially emotionally drained.. So.. Let it slide