The Things We Willingly Subject Ourselves To For The Ones We Love

Its about sacrifice, and betrayal.
And lies and lust.

Some Things Will Always Remain

As an only child growing up with a single mom I was always really lonely, In a way I guess I still am. At that time money was very tight and so my mom ended up working most of the time and going to school as well to provide for us.It was this way for so long and I became really accustomed to being alone. But like most single children I kind of always hoped for a little sister, someone to love me, spend time with me , and do/share everything with.
During my younger childhood I would visit my then re-married father every two weeks or so , those visits stopped soon after. He had a son. After about two years he had a girl.
I adored this little creature. So cute! Finally a little sister! I loved her so much in just a moment.
I remember waking up early in the mornings, going into the room and picking up my still-sleeping baby sister and taking her downstairs to where I would watch the Saturday morning cartoons. And I would watch my cartoons and pass the morning while my darling sister would still be blissfully asleep in my lap. I did this every weekend I was there. I just liked the feeling of her in my lap, so peaceful and sweet. But then things fell apart as they are inclined to do, and I never really went back there and I never really saw her again. Not the way I would have liked it. At all. And then my baby sister soon after got a little sister of her very own.

There are so many people and things that happen in life that I wish would have been different.

Its In The Stars

My recent, temporary , simple existence is about to change.
I don't know how I am supposed to handle this all. I'm not the only deciding factor so that complicates things and I'm not really even that sure what it is that I want. This is one of those things that I know will play out completely differently than I could have imagined, its always like that. Sometimes its all too much to hold and I can feel my knees buckling under the pressure. But I also know that this is the one thing in life that I want really bad. Wait and see that's all I can do for now.
How come when things all finally come together they being to fall apart every time?

T Minus 7 Days

I don't know what to do. I am torn.
I also don't know what to expect. This makes me really nervous.
All I can do is wait and see.
Then close my eyes and brace myself for impact.

This Is Post #100

100 posts!
I blog to get everything in my head out in front of me. Its been pretty cool and I do enjoy doing it. So here's to the next 100 posts!

Anyways, here I am.
Schools been going for about a week and a half now and I'm kind of having a hard time adjusting to it. I just need to learn how to manage my time and motivate myself to get things done. It'll be smooth sailing once I get the hang of it all.
I've been listening to good music and feeling really contemplative lately. I haven't really had anything too insightful but I do have a much better mind frame. I know that things aren't okay the way they are, but this time I know what I need to make them a bit better. I just don't know if I will get that. But I also know that if I can't have that, if I for some reason or another don't deserve it, then this all is for what? I don't know. But I know this is not something I would give up easily, and I hope my feelings are reciprocated.
I hope in the end the choice is right.

This Fork In The Road

I had true love
I made it die.
I pushed her away
She said "please stay."
But I'll burn every bridge that I cross,
To find some beautiful place to get lost.
Well I don't know where I'll go now,
And I don't really care who follows me there.
But I'll burn every bridge that I cross,
To find some beautiful place to get lost.
-Elliott Smith "Let's Get Lost"