She Lived As Though She'd Always Known Nothing Would Last

Some moments are so precious, so perfect, and I find myself trying to recreate them and relive them over and over again.
Unconditional love, a safe place to call my own, a place to be accepted, to rest my head and not be afraid of who I am, regardless of how angst, depressed, and confused.
All the things I've been searching and yearning for my whole life have all come to me in a neatly wrapped package.
Everything I ever wanted and needed is right here.
In the midst of my dark, isolated and collapsing world there is always this bright light, and that light keeps me going and inspires me to continue walking through the darkness with promises of a better tomorrow.
And although I haven't the slightest clue as to what life will turn out like, I know one thing for certain. That alone makes me feel privileged to be able to get out of bed every morning.
I know maybe I'm just being childish and casting all my hopes on one cloud, and I too know that you can never anticipate what fate will humor you with next.
If something does go wrong,
I will rejoice for being given the time that I had, knowing that I loved unconditionally and was loved unconditionally. That's not something you come across too often these days, which is exactly why I don't ever plan on letting go.
This is perfect and so beautiful.
I can breathe again.

I'm Glad My Little Sister's Aren't That Little Anymore, Because I Need Them

We sit and pretend to breathe in the inhibitions and exhale the thought of true existence.
We dwell on the past, and the forever love affairs that no one could avoid, but everyone can regret.
It's so easy to expect more of someone when the hate is so outrageous. You expect them to anger you so easily, and entrance you with this lust for reprisal. But when it comes to the people that you have slipped into your conscious, they actually envelope you with shit.
You tell them that it's all right, wipe the verbal defecation off your face, in a sultry attempt to save your grace.
But do they ever believe you to be clean again?
Should you stay in those circumstances, or should you walk away?
Your going to feel like you just got fucked either way.
But if you leave, are the feelings going to be mutual?
Will the depth of your abandonment eventually kill you?
Should you be expected to stay in the same relationship, because on the toss of a dime, they might pretend their animosity towards you isn't true?
Doubtful, because however changed the person, the mind will stay indistinguishable to the extinct. It's a ridiculous notion, who doesn't feel the desire to relinquish the dissatisfied?
But, it is never as easy as it seems. Should I dispel of you, because I want to, or because you are becoming hazardous to my ability to breathe.
Like so many other things, will you cause me euphoria, but end with the pain of my respiratory collapse?
I believe it will happen eventually.
But in the end, I don't plan on giving you the satisfaction of my afflictions, because that would be to good for you.
Now, I ask, who is the one covered in shit?

I Found Inspiration Tucked Safe In My Bed

I remember the day she died.
I remember the smell, the feeling, the humming of the machines keeping her alive up until that point.
I remember her father desperately trying to clean up the blood from her face and her nose. It never ended. There was too much blood.
I remember my legs giving up on me willing me to sit down, I remember being in a room of people and finding my solitude on the bleach white tiles of the hospital floor.
It seemed unreal.
She has too much to do still, she was an only child, she shouldn't have to die so young.
Then it hits you, your not immortal.
I remember the anger, confusion, and the depression I felt afterwards.
The way I used to compulsively draw what she looked like, not in life, but in death.
Her hair; messy and dirty with bits of grass and dirt from the road, Her face; scratched and pale, Her body; I couldn't even recognize it, the huge bag of blood on her mid-drift, so dark and so final. The pureness of her legs, now spread out awaiting for someone to rid them of their crimson stains, her undeniable virgin beauty.
She left this world so pure.
It was such a dark place and I took so long to find my way out of it.

And some times I still wish I was there.

I'm Trying Too Hard To Please Everyone

I always want to write, but I never really know what to write about some days. Most days actually.
So I find myself writing just for the sake of it.
I don't think I have too much to say, I've been relaxed the past few days and am enjoying it profusely.
Trying hard to maintain this status quo.

I'd say the number of people in my life has been reduced by more than half, and its so much better this way because I know the people left are the ones that are here to stay forever. And I must say I'm impressed and surprised by the turn out.
" You got me, and if you ask me, that's all you really need. "
It's true, you only need a few good ones, not a bunch of shady ones.

I'm scared of the way I feel.
I'm scared of what I do.
I'm scared of what I see.
I'm scared of what I hear.
I'm scared of what they're saying.
I'm scared of what I've lost.
I'm scared I'll lose you.
I'm scared that its too late.
I'm scared that we've both lost hope.
I'm scared of who you've become.
I'm scared of doing this alone.

This was a pointless post.
I'll be back when I've got something good to say.

Tell Me You Ain't Did It, Then You Ain't Did It And If You Did Then That's Family Business

There is always someone you can count on.
But you never know who that person or persons are until it comes down to it. I've figured out who those people are through the worst of times.
Two of them I've always known would be behind me no matter what, and the third one was an unexpected one but has proven so strong and loyal to me in such a short time and that alone has made my grey days just a little bit brighter.
And as for the person you would think would stick up for me no matter what has yet again proved that theory wrong. Not only have they allowed my name to be tarnished by others but have also defended them for doing so. Its a sick, sad world we live in. These are scary times.
Thankfully I have a parent who knows me, defends me and most importantly, believes in me.

I didn't get to have a father.
I never needed one because I have an uncle that loves me more than he ever could.
I know he will never let me down, and in return I will never let him down.

The Start Of A New War

Every one will get what they deserve.
I will see to it.
I will no longer be passive about this situation.
And so it begins.

I want to write something profound and beautiful, but I'm always too tired or uninspired.